The only thing I'm married to is my bones.

At points in my life I have had a predilection for procrastination. There are moments where I get so exhausted or overwhelmed that I lose focus. I'll have a million things to do but my entire focus will be on what the reporter from Junior is up to now, or every performance from the BET awards in 2004. FYI, it was a really good year, here's proof.

The older I get, the less I have these moments. I find them to be strangely inspirational. They show me how my brain makes connections. What I've discovered by stepping so completely into my distractions is that I need to give myself space. I need to turn my mind off and wander.

We've meandered away from this form of expression for longer than I would like, but we're recommitting.


Here's my procrastination outfit. My Jeff Goldblum lover shirt was gifted by the other hip lady, similar skirt here.

Here's some inspirational women who have had super great comebacks:


Jessica Williams

Mindy Kaling

Jenny Slate

the dreamiest dress

When I saw this floor length, long sleeve, sheer floral dress at Living Doll LA Plus I thought perhaps it was a mirage. This dress is absolutely the thing my dreams are made of. I literally own 5 sheer floral kimonos, because I am a crazy person, and this is pretty much the queen of all kimonos. You can wear it unbottoned as such, or you can button it up and throw on a little slip underneath or don't if you're a bad bitch. I put on this dress and immediately felt glamorous and effortless and easy and breezy and totally fucking fantastic. I wasn't having a good hair day, I was totally exhausted and I had woken up late...but none of that mattered because this dress completely transformed my mood and perception of myself.

That's what I love most about fashion, a great outfit has the ability to alter the way you feel in your skin that day. As a plus size girl, or any girl for that matter, it is important to find new ways to boost your confidence and love yourself every day. It's so easy to beat yourself up and get stuck in a rut, I know because I've been doing that a lot lately. But the reality is I'm too old to let these things overwhelm me and drag me down, I'd rather take charge and find a way to fix my negative feelings. So that's what I'll be doing for the next few months, fixing all the feels. And I'm going to use this dream dress of mine every chance I get.


Dress: Living Doll LA Plus, Strappy Bodycon: New Look Inspire, Boots: Forever21 (similar), Hair: my mother & the earth

-Lily

Cultivate a life of the mind

I am steadfast in my madness.

The value I place on continuously striving for greatness is sky high.

Sometimes this focus forces me to tune out emotional needs and connections. It's a fault I've recently been coming to terms with because I'm in love. Quite honestly, I have no idea how to make room in my life for something that doesn't fit into my need to reach my goals, whatever they may be. Patience in my personal life is not really my strong suit.

However, my summer has been filled with love in different ways. Basically, I've been wearing out my welcome at weddings, and thinking a lot about love in this club. Meeting someone who forces you to reassess what really matters to you, and how you communicate was something that used to scare me to death. But I realized that this new discovery isn't taking away any of my greatness, it's helping me grow and learn and be more of the person that I am.

So here is an outfit I wore to the wedding of some truly magnificent people.

Similar to my orange dress: Here

Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell

Box purse is vintage.

And here's the song that I want to be everyones mandatory first dance at all weddings: 

Thug Passion by Tupac

It's the pretty things that we're always breaking

My brother once said I was an actress and meant it in an absolutely unflattering way. I was acting and I was manipulating and pretending it was survival. But the thing about it was that I just didn't like myself at all. Everything I did was a costume change. I was trying on different personalities to see which got the best results or a better reaction.

There's this all consuming self loathing that comes with being female. This tendency to shy away and commodify yourself so that people accept you. There's a prototype for womanhood and it's soft and silent and still. I was never right for that part. The thing about women is that they're people. Multifaceted, ridiculous, complex entities that are not this one thing you are shown in the media.

I made a reference to one of my best friends the other day about how she wanted to be this woman on tv. Her response was that she wanted the Chanel and the Louboutins, but she absolutely wants to be herself. Why shouldn't she? This friend of mine is a whip smart, funny as hell, stone cold fox.


My friends are absolutely fashion icons. No photos needed to prove that point. 

dear summer, you're a hot bitch

Well it's 100% summer time and it's hot as shit. I haven't posted in quite some time, due in equal parts to being very busy at work, being very lazy at home and being very temperature hot everywhere in between. Living in Arizona is really and truly awful this time of year because you are literally being cooked alive every time you go outdoors. However, over the weekend it's been sort of stormy which reminded me how much I love monsoon season in this god forsaken desert. I decided to post this outfit (despite my lack luster bun :/) for two reasons; first, the skirt and second, the shoes. This was at the end of my day so please keep that in consideration when viewing the photos, I had basically half melted by then. I have had this skirt for about two months now but have only worn it twice, mostly because it is hella see-through. However, I recently purchased a nude half slip and that seems to have done the trick. I love this skirt though, the color is perfect and the length is also fantastic. Asos is sold out of the plus size version but they have a few smaller sizes left which can be seen in the link. I paired it with a basic white tee that I got from the forevs awhile ago, I wanted to keep it simple since a full pink skirt is already begging to be noticed. I had gotten the shoes from Lane Bryant online, they are a hot deal at $29 right now and ship to store is free. I really love the shoes and they are super comfortable, the zipper on the back of the right one did rub my ankle a bit but was more of a minor irritation than a deal breaker. I've also worn this skirt on the weekend with a cropped floral tank top and flats, so cuuuuute. I've been into really girly stuff lately, back on that floral kick (just kidding, I was never off that kick).



t-shirt: forever21+ (similar), skirt: asos curve (similar), shoes: lane bryant

Thanks for checking out my triumphant(?) return!

-Lily

The constant bracing shock of now

I am a woman who once lived a life perched on the shoulders of self doubt. I embodied duality. Two versions of myself that roiled against each other creating one murky questionable being. Somewhere along the way I lost the valiant version of myself and it was just addiction and a cover up operation.

Then I slapped my goddamn self back into reality. Along the way, I realized that this savage rendering of myself wasn't actually who I am. I had just removed all the guts and personality to fight for something I didn't really want and couldn't fucking see through.

I had to scrape the bones of who I was and rebuild that shit from scratch. But I had another epiphany, you should be fucking shameless with the love you have for yourself.  You're a fucking diamond. Sometimes you just have to excavate that shit.

Here's some ladies who have suffered complete deracination and are more inspiring for it. 

Billie Holiday

Elizabeth Taylor

Stevie Nicks

Tina Turner

Here's my give no fucks outfit this weekend. Watermelon bikini top by River Island and inspired by Beyonce lyrics. Find it here: watahhhmellooonnnnn

Fire

My dad used to sing the Pointer Sisters- Fire to my mom with such adoration it almost felt too intimate to watch. The fashion icons for today, are my parents.


The late, great Judy Marie

The maniac, Terry, with special guest Lily

Your parents shape you in so many ways, but there is this weird thing that happens when you're older and you can finally relate to them as people. It's one of the things that I wish I was able to do with my mama. I have second hand knowledge of the woman she was, her likes and dislikes, things she had done, but I will never know her. The gratitude that I have for the relationship I cherish with my pops runs deep. He's my hero. They weren't perfect people, in fact, they were an on paper nightmare for awhile. But I am blessed with the independence, confidence, goddamn gumption because of these fools. There is no one in the world I think is more righteous than these two.


Here's an outfit inspired by the getups of my 'rents.

And here's the song that still makes me feel everything.