It's the pretty things that we're always breaking

My brother once said I was an actress and meant it in an absolutely unflattering way. I was acting and I was manipulating and pretending it was survival. But the thing about it was that I just didn't like myself at all. Everything I did was a costume change. I was trying on different personalities to see which got the best results or a better reaction.

There's this all consuming self loathing that comes with being female. This tendency to shy away and commodify yourself so that people accept you. There's a prototype for womanhood and it's soft and silent and still. I was never right for that part. The thing about women is that they're people. Multifaceted, ridiculous, complex entities that are not this one thing you are shown in the media.

I made a reference to one of my best friends the other day about how she wanted to be this woman on tv. Her response was that she wanted the Chanel and the Louboutins, but she absolutely wants to be herself. Why shouldn't she? This friend of mine is a whip smart, funny as hell, stone cold fox.


My friends are absolutely fashion icons. No photos needed to prove that point. 

dear summer, you're a hot bitch

Well it's 100% summer time and it's hot as shit. I haven't posted in quite some time, due in equal parts to being very busy at work, being very lazy at home and being very temperature hot everywhere in between. Living in Arizona is really and truly awful this time of year because you are literally being cooked alive every time you go outdoors. However, over the weekend it's been sort of stormy which reminded me how much I love monsoon season in this god forsaken desert. I decided to post this outfit (despite my lack luster bun :/) for two reasons; first, the skirt and second, the shoes. This was at the end of my day so please keep that in consideration when viewing the photos, I had basically half melted by then. I have had this skirt for about two months now but have only worn it twice, mostly because it is hella see-through. However, I recently purchased a nude half slip and that seems to have done the trick. I love this skirt though, the color is perfect and the length is also fantastic. Asos is sold out of the plus size version but they have a few smaller sizes left which can be seen in the link. I paired it with a basic white tee that I got from the forevs awhile ago, I wanted to keep it simple since a full pink skirt is already begging to be noticed. I had gotten the shoes from Lane Bryant online, they are a hot deal at $29 right now and ship to store is free. I really love the shoes and they are super comfortable, the zipper on the back of the right one did rub my ankle a bit but was more of a minor irritation than a deal breaker. I've also worn this skirt on the weekend with a cropped floral tank top and flats, so cuuuuute. I've been into really girly stuff lately, back on that floral kick (just kidding, I was never off that kick).



t-shirt: forever21+ (similar), skirt: asos curve (similar), shoes: lane bryant

Thanks for checking out my triumphant(?) return!

-Lily

The constant bracing shock of now

I am a woman who once lived a life perched on the shoulders of self doubt. I embodied duality. Two versions of myself that roiled against each other creating one murky questionable being. Somewhere along the way I lost the valiant version of myself and it was just addiction and a cover up operation.

Then I slapped my goddamn self back into reality. Along the way, I realized that this savage rendering of myself wasn't actually who I am. I had just removed all the guts and personality to fight for something I didn't really want and couldn't fucking see through.

I had to scrape the bones of who I was and rebuild that shit from scratch. But I had another epiphany, you should be fucking shameless with the love you have for yourself.  You're a fucking diamond. Sometimes you just have to excavate that shit.

Here's some ladies who have suffered complete deracination and are more inspiring for it. 

Billie Holiday

Elizabeth Taylor

Stevie Nicks

Tina Turner

Here's my give no fucks outfit this weekend. Watermelon bikini top by River Island and inspired by Beyonce lyrics. Find it here: watahhhmellooonnnnn

Fire

My dad used to sing the Pointer Sisters- Fire to my mom with such adoration it almost felt too intimate to watch. The fashion icons for today, are my parents.


The late, great Judy Marie

The maniac, Terry, with special guest Lily

Your parents shape you in so many ways, but there is this weird thing that happens when you're older and you can finally relate to them as people. It's one of the things that I wish I was able to do with my mama. I have second hand knowledge of the woman she was, her likes and dislikes, things she had done, but I will never know her. The gratitude that I have for the relationship I cherish with my pops runs deep. He's my hero. They weren't perfect people, in fact, they were an on paper nightmare for awhile. But I am blessed with the independence, confidence, goddamn gumption because of these fools. There is no one in the world I think is more righteous than these two.


Here's an outfit inspired by the getups of my 'rents.

And here's the song that still makes me feel everything.

You've got a lot of nerve

Today's fashion icons are dames who've got a lot of nerve.

Naomi Oates Harper- A loudmouth in an off the shoulder outfit with the sharpest tongue and sharpest collarbones



Betty Davis- The queen of doing your own thing. I want to steal this voice Ursula style.



 





Joan Armatrading- Sing into my mouth

Geena Davis- I had to space the Davis's. But this is one of my all time favorite people on the planet. Bonus points for marrying my one true love Jeff Goldblum, once upon a time.

Here are things I wore last night while watching Game of Thrones and eating barbocoa.  Photos by the awesome Micaela Go of Faust Photographics.